March 28, 2014

Sometime

Sometimes you don't get into the school of your dreams,
and sometimes even if you beg and plead, the admissions office workers still say no way Jose,
and sometimes that really really really sucks.

Some days you just don't eat a single vegetable
but you do eat an entire box of girl scout cookies
and half a jar of peanut butter too.

Some days you go to the mall 'just to look around'
with no intention of buying a single thing
and leave the mall with a new dress and sweater and shoes
so luckily you'll look cute while you're sad.

Sometimes you mean to drive to the gym 
but you end up at the temple parking lot instead
and decide it's perfectly okay to cry in the comfort of your own car.

Sometimes (all the time) the temple is so beautiful
and all the people walking in and out are so beautiful too
and even though life sucks
it's also just as beautiful as that temple sitting on that hill.

Sometime you feel super awkward saying a little prayer out loud in your car with people walking by
but that's alright
because the only judgment that really matters is the Lord's.

Some opportunities are put into your life for a reason 
and some are taken out for a reason too.
It's ok to not know those reasons
and it's ok to to be mad that you don't know those reasons.

Its ok.

Some people are really lucky to have awesome parents.
I'm one of those lucky people. 
And sometimes in a 2 hour conversation with those awesome parents your little awkward prayer in the temple parking lot is answered and you finally understand the reason that you didn't get into that dream school of yours.
And that's when you realize it's going to be ok.
And that eating all the girl scout cookies is ok and buying the new dress is ok and not going to the gym is ok and not knowing what your doing with your life is ok and everything is 
going
to be
ok.

Because we were not sent here to fail
or be miserable
or unhappy
or alone.
We were sent here to learn and grow and be tested and thrive and succeed and enjoy.

And no trial given to us will ever be too hard for us 
because He knows us
and He made us
and He planned out this existence for each of us, individually. 

So sometimes you have days
and weeks
and months
that suck.

Sometimes you feel like you're worthless and untalented and unaccomplished and unloved
and you just want to give up on being a grown up
because being a grown up is hard. 
(really hard)

Sometimes you look at people's lives on the internet and you want to see if they'll trade
because they have cuter clothes
and a boyfriend who loves them
and they got into their dream school
and everything about their life is going just swell.

But what you can't see behind the cute clothes and the good grades is that they've lost a parent
or their sibling has cancer
or that they're simply unhappy too.

Because right now being 'perfect' is all the rage
and putting on fake smiles and holding back the tears is super trendy
and you're defined by the number of likes you get on an instagram picture or how many people follow your blog.
And that's it. 

But those silly numbers don't define me
and neither does my submission to a school
or the size of my jeans. 

And today, after too many girl scout cookies and a trip to the mall that I couldn't afford and a lot of tears and a quiet prayer in front of a temple with so many beautiful people going in and out with seemingly 'perfect' lives and a 2 hour conversation with my awesome parents and changing my school and my major and my dreams...
I finally realized that the only thing that defines me is the love of the Lord
and everything was going to be perfectly ok.